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Good
morning <$firstname$>,
Three
years ago today, Friday the 23rd of April 2004 was a brilliantly
beautiful autumn day in Cape Town - warm, sunny and calm.
The perfection of the universe was showing off in a spectacular
fashion, and for most people it must have been difficult
to see the other, darker side of the coin inherent in every
aspect of the world we experience.
For
me it wasn't, because my father passed away on that day,
just before his 83rd birthday.
This
was utterly unexpected because my father was visibly enjoying
his life - he always liked to be active around the house
and garden and had the strength to do a million little things
every day.
That's
what he was doing on Wednesday morning, but that night we
had to get him to a hospital in a hurry and the fact that
he died not even 48 hours later was difficult to understand.
To
cope with a loss is not easy and for most of us, grieving
is how we react to a tragic event - we feel helpless and
sink into emptiness and despair, questioning the apparent
futility of it all to regain our sanity.
We
think that grief and sorrow are inseparable and believe
this process is necessary to overcome the pain and to eventually
accept what has happened.
But
what if we knew, without a doubt, that there are no accidents
in our intelligent universe?
That
we have to experience loss in order to learn a valuable
lesson, that we have something to gain from catastrophe
and death.
I
am lucky in that I never had to encounter any devastating
blows in my life, so I am not an authority on the subject.
But what if we chose not to suffer over a loss which we
will ultimately recognize as beneficial anyway? This is
not how we are supposed to react, of course, in our European
cultural environment.
But
I believe that in the western world, what we mostly lament
is our own loss, and not so much the fate of the deceased.
In other societies, death is an occasion for celebration
- I have seen this myself in Bali.
They
know, even in times of mourning, that the universe's timing
of people's arrival and departure on this planet should
not be questioned - everything is in perfect order, even
painful experiences.
Is
the loss of a loved one different from losing worldly possessions?
Yes, definitely. Once gone, family members cannot be replaced,
ever. But they live on in our memories, whilst the loss
of a house, money or a job should be forgotten as soon as
possible and stimulate us to move on to even better things.
The
basic underlying challenge here is change, and whether we
think we can cope with it. I know that my father is where
he is supposed to be right now, and I accept his schedule
- I'll just have to learn to live without him.
Until
next time, all the best from :
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